Don’t Forget the Cancer Siblings: The Quiet Heroes of Childhood Cancer

Childhood Cancer Resources
Written By Dina Besic

💛 From One Mother’s Heart:

When Max was diagnosed with cancer, the world stopped for him. But our daughter Lenna was still here — just as confused, just as impacted, and just as in need of so much care.

She didn’t have the port. She didn’t lose her hair. But she lost other things — time, attention, routines, playdates. And because she was so little, she didn’t have the words to say what she was feeling. She just… absorbed it.

That’s the part no one prepares you for. That cancer doesn’t just affect the diagnosed child — it reshapes the entire family.

🧒 Siblings Feel the Diagnosis Too — They Just Show It Differently:

It’s not always obvious, but siblings go through their own version of trauma during cancer treatment:

  • They become more independent too fast.

  • They get quiet — or act out — to get noticed.

  • They feel guilty for being healthy.

  • They feel jealous of the attention their sibling gets, then guilty for feeling that way.

  • They learn to tiptoe around exhaustion, grief, and tension.

Lenna was just 6 months old when Max was diagnosed. She doesn’t know a version of life without cancer. We had too many days that looked like this. That alone breaks my heart.

🎁 Why Acknowledging Siblings Matters:

When you take care of the sibling, you help the whole family heal. Here’s what helped Lenna — and what I recommend for other families and friends to consider:

  • One-on-one time: 30 minutes a day, where it’s just their moment, with no medical talk, no phones, just uninterrupted 1:1 time with each parent

  • Small gifts or surprises: When Max got something at the clinic, I made sure she got something too (even just a sticker or snack).

  • Name them: Ask how Lenna is doing, not just Max.

  • Validate their role: We started calling her Max’s “Cheer Doctor” — it gave her a job, a purpose, and pride (also, she now wants to be a doctor).

  • Let them be little: Cancer doesn’t get to steal their childhood, too.

👨‍👩‍👧 For Families Walking This Road:

Please hear this: you are not failing your other child.

There is no perfect balance. There is no perfect script. There is only love — and trying — and the constant juggling of guilt and grace.

You are doing amazing! ✨

What helped me most was involving Lenna as we were able to (wrapping toys, making cards, bringing her to the hospital when safe), and carving out connections in small and very intentional ways.

Even a 10-minute dance party can shift the entire day.

🧡 For Family & Friends Wondering How to Support Siblings:

If you’re on the outside looking in, here’s what you can do to lift the siblings:

  • Bring something for them when you drop something off for the cancer child.

  • Take them out for a walk, lunch, or playdate.

  • Ask about them directly — and just listen.

  • Celebrate their birthday or milestones just as loud and grand.

  • Send a card that simply says: “You’re doing an amazing job being a sibling right now. That’s a big deal.”

Final Words:

There are days when Lenna asks if Max is still sick and why Maxi has so many “tubeys.” Not only is Lenna our sweet little girl, but she is also Max’s best friend, partner in crime, doctor Lenna, and a comedian. She’s such a blessing and brings our family so much joy through times that I will never be able to put into words.

And there are moments she comforts him with a strength I can’t even explain. She’s only 2. But she’s already shown more love and resilience than most adults.

So if you’re reading this and thinking of a family going through childhood cancer — please don’t forget the sibling. They are the quiet heroes, the background glue, and the heartbeat that keeps the whole family moving forward. They deserve so much love and to be seen, celebrated, and supported. We love you so much, Lenna.

Until the next one!

Sending so much love and prayer.
Dina
Mom, Founder & Childhood Cancer Advocate 💛

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Dina Besic
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